And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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