I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
