just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
