Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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