We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
