You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize