Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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