i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
