My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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