we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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