The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize