addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
