they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
