dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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