was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
