I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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