I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize