i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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