White coat. Heels.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
