You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize