Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
