I need help removing her.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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