I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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