So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
