thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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