Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize