bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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