My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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