I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
