If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
