i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
