Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
