so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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