I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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