In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
