so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you had me at cake vodka
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
