I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
