from now on my penis is your penis
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize