Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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