Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
