im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize