im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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