I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
