HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She is in my trunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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