I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
