I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
