So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Even my vagina gasped.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
