I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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