So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no you cant smoke seaweed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
