So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
