My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
