This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize