dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
