lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
