i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
