Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
