I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I puked a lego.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
