she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
