You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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