she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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