party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
