i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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