paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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