I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
