I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
