Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
