i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
