I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
