What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I believe in your delicious
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
