This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
