you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
