you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So vagazzling was a success
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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