when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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