Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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