Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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