I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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