I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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