yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize