My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
