also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
