yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
