If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
