I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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