he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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