you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
