Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
