I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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