is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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