dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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