I look better un-naked...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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