I love black thongs
I've blown a few things in my day
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
