p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
