The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
