It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
