he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
