I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
