The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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