He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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