I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
