I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
