consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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