I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
