A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
