if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
