mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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