At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
